HI!!! I AM GOING TO UPDATE.

So lets see. I've done nothing but work and more work. no not true we started the corruption of Andrew Han. that kid is so cute. he was stuck at dees so we took him lingerie shopping and made him play strip poker

Well hello all... i love this text...

Lets see i havent updated in a long time. wow... O__o anyway my thanksgiving break sucked. First i got sick then i threw uot my neck and now im in all whole new world of pain and worst of all i dont think i'll be able to see geottle before she leaves. I did get to see her friday when we suppost to go skiing together cause i spent thursday night puking and then when i get better saturday i throw out my neck. I was in the back of stephens truck friday night and we were heading to a party when he slammed on the breaks cause he thought he saw a cop. which first of all we were speeding and second of all 4 people were in  the bed of his truck which is illegal. anyway he slammed the brakes... i crashed into the rim of the truck...cracked my neck... didnt hurt that much then...but now i cant turn my neck to the slightest angle or a shooting pain sears down my arm. im on so much ibpronphin that the pains dulled a little. but its still a bitch. who knew we needed our neck musscles so much. well yup that was my rant... plus side of all this i cant work tommorrow but then i have to get better by tuesday at 12 cause i start training for the lifegaurding position at the pool.   whooo... yup little update now smallville

Night all

Currently Listening Dragostea Din Tei By O-Zone Numa Numa Dance!! see related

I would like to open this post with...

!!!PANDA ON CRACK!!!

Ok i feel better. so Elle wants me to update i feel loved. I didnt think anyone read this anymore. But yes... Lets see. I have had an interesting week. First there was my saturday with jampal. I woke him up a 8:30. just cause it's fun to jump on a sleeping guy. I layed there with him till almost 12. did some stuff had some fun. but anyway he had to study so i hung out with random people. i got a call from Chris he wanted to know if i wanted to go work out with him. We went to the community center and ran and wieght lifted for 2 hours. I over streched my arms and inner thieghs so badly. they still hurt.

I saw the anime movies in the barn that night too. We watched final fantasy or something i couldnt see the damn screen much less read the subtitles so i sat there getting calls every so often from josh yelling at me for getting mike cocaine. Yeah that was fun. But Chris picked me up at 9 and we went to go see JarHead. I love that movie. Its so sad. Good movie go see it. so that was my weekend. I came up and saw everyone last night. well almost everyone. I wanted to talk wiht jp and lily just happens to yell that at me that im in love with a loser. And i do agree with her from time to time.

So yes Elle if you read this tell Jampal that he needs to tell jack that we didnt do anything on saturday. Im not talking to Jampal so trust you in this matter. Cause jack publicly apologized to me saying that he was sorry for walking in on us while i was reading a book on the bed. Fishy!!!! Dear god. That kid is the biggest fucking idiot that i have ever meet. though hes better then fruitloop (jered) well maybe not. Yeah so i talked to lueders that night. he talked to jampal about me and jp doesnt love me. He loves me as a friend thats it. So that was dissapointing. I dont want to into it cause i will bore you and i dont feel like crying so moving on.

Im back with Chris. Hopes of jampal having another go are slowly diminishing. Chris is ok. I really dont care for him and i kinda feel bad like im leading him on. But yeah... i'll get over it. Wow i wrote alot now im gonna go do homework cause i feel like it. So adios!

Well another update from the life of Neko. I really don't think anyone reads this. but if you do write me a comment so I can decide whether i want to continue to write not.                                                                          

                                            Lets see... First off Chris is being an ass. He didn't call for 3 days when he said he would then he calls so i tell him he can make it up by coming to hang out with some friends of mine. Well he came but he just sulked and then when i had to take him home he just yelled at me for being a bitch cause I made fun of him at the pool hall. I was so pissed then he says I'll call you tomorrow yet again 2 days later no word. I guess he called today. It didn't show up on my phone but there was a message on there from him. He said that he didnt want to lose me over a fight. I dont know if I want to take him back.                                                                                                                         

Then there was coffee house. I went to go see Anna sing and meet paerents and what not. well i talked with jampal before dinner and asked him if he loved me. He said that he loved me as a friend and so much more. He knows that i love him and he says that he loves me. He talks to me more than his parents. I think he really does love me but he just know how to say it or express it. I dont know and it drives me nuts. I need lueders and anna to talk to him for me.  so at coffee house i sat with him in the box then we took a walk around the barn  and to the ceramics studio. We did make out but people dont need to know that. well we came back out cause he needed to get back to the barn when we met anna and remy. they kinda looked at me funny. but i shook my head saying we didnt do anything. but like when we fucked at kays. I didnt tell anyone but remy spread the rumor.                                                                                                                  

Then i go to crms tuesday night cause i had class that night. well this kid who i didnt even know came up to me and goes "hey your neko" this is startling. My reputation preseeds me. but anyway. i talk to him and he asks me if i made out  with jampal that night. I was gonna kill remy. I thought she spread it but jam says that cj did.  then to make my night worse jampal and i went to the science building and talked. He hugged me and when i hugged back he said " you just cant let go can you?" that hurt. I dont wnat to let go. I know that in 2 years he leaves the country and i never see him again. that bothers me. He promised me that he would always keep in contact but i dont think hes going to keep that promise. i only have 2 years left so im not going to let go not just yet. I asked him wether he wanted me to let go and not talk to him and he said no. What am i suppose to do?

What am i suppost to do?

HOLA!!!

Know I realize that I havent updated for a long time but I've been busy. I go to school, work, have a social life and still manage to hang out a CRMS on saturday. Bust girl arent I?

Anyway damn where to start. Im uploading all my music from cds to my ipod so its taking a long time to name and import. X__x  Frickin ipod. I still havent figured they whole damn thing out.

What else. So I have a boyfriend. Thats Fun. I dont know I kinda dont want a boyfriend and you probably can all guess why.  It feels wierd. I still love Jampal. Which I sometimes hate.

I dont know whether he just doesnt truely care for me or if he does and doesnt know how to express it. It's been proven that he has no idea how to treat me. He thinks he can treat me like all his guy friends but that's to rough even for my tom boyish standards. It's just really akward to say oh yeah sure I'd love to go out with you but by the way I'm still in love with someone else.

That would just be a little akward. I finally have Anna she knows how it feels. I dont know I mean I like Chris dont get me wrong. He's really sweet and fun. But for some reason i still love Jampal and I appsolutly hate it.  I hate the fact that I still love him and consider him a friend. He never wants to hang out. He's always with elle. NO affence elle but i hate you when i come up on campus saturdays and i cant even see him cause he's always with you. It's his fault and i know it.

He just sends me so many mixed signals. When I'm alone with him he's all cuddly and what not but when other people are around he wont even come near me.  And then the shit he pulled in his dorm room. He told me that he didnt want sex at all. So said Ok. not that easily but you know. Then this year I go up and hang out and fucking bang on his bed. I guess I didn't think. I mean I knew that it ment nothing but the fact that he could just totally switch gears and move on so quickly that we did it and it was over so i should go home.

Yes we fucked get over it.

I dont know chris is...ok it a good way just could think of a better word. I like him as a friend and what not. I dont love him. No. Im being childish but i dont want to love anybody. Not right now. I dont know if I could handle it. Jampals confusing break up and mixed signals drove me to edge. I was suicidal. That was it. I would dissapear during class to go slash my wrists or thighs in the bathroom. Then go back to class and everything would be fine to he did something to confuse or hurt me agin.

Thanks to him I had to go to a fucking shrink. I hated her. I still do. She'd try to 'make me better' but only made me hate my self more. I didnt have to go see her after about 6 times. I was useing my mums free sessions and i used them all up.

I think thats why my parents wanted me to switch schools. They wanted me away from him. I dont know if it helps. It probably does and i just dont want to admit it.

I dont know. Its wierd everytime i write my thingy turns into a hate page about my self and some how involves jp. Well if anyone can read this far i congradulate you. Good Night